These days it appears that statistically speaking, one in two marriages ends in divorce. And many of us are unfortunately finding ourselves falling into this statistic. Recovering from a divorce is a long and painful process, even when amicable, and the aftermath takes time and energy to reconcile with. It is a time of big decisions and actions; even though all you’d probably like to do is hide under the covers and stay there forever (or at least for a while).
Regardless of the reason for the split, most of us feel like they have lost their “other half” after a divorce; there was so much time and energy devoted to the other person and building a life with them together, and now they just feel completely lost and unsure of whom they are anymore as only “one-half” of that previous couple.
Therapy is very useful at times like these, as well as spiritual counseling and financial counseling. But what else can you do to help you get back on track and be the YOU that you probably haven’t been in a while—or perhaps even become the “NEW YOU” you can now be?
Feng Shui of course can be extremely helpful with that. Since a divorce affects our living spaces and the energy around us, it is especially beneficial to use Feng Shui principles during a process like going through a divorce to help let go of the past and create a new vision for the future.
While every building is different and a customized consultation is always preferable, I do want to give you some quick pointers on things that you can do as a start to get the old energy unstuck…
1) OUT WITH THE OLD: The House
Ideally, I recommend both people who are in the process of divorcing not to hold onto the marital home. The main reason for this is that the building they lived in that lead to divorce most likely had specific characteristics that promoted loneliness and difficulty in relationships for one or both of them (or maybe even anyone who would live there), and it will still be affecting either person if one of them continues to live there, even long after the divorce is done. Even if you love your house and are tempted to buy your spouse out—or stay in the apartment/condo you shared—don’t. Unless you can do a deep Feng Shui make over to transform the energy of that building, you will have a better chance to start out fresh in a new space (and ideally one that doesn’t have a history of the previous occupants getting a divorce there as well).
2) OUT WITH MORE OLD: The Furniture
I have a friend, will call him Kenneth for now, who had been happily married for 10 years and when his wife finally called it quits, he found the separation so unbearably challenging that, although he moved out from their old house, he kept EVERY single piece of furniture and household accessory they owned together and had it neatly stored away. Interestingly… not only has he been unable to recreate a long term relationship since then (it is now going on 4 years), but he also has been unable to settle down in a new house long enough to take the furniture out of storage and put it all into a new space. Is he having haunted memories? I’d definitely say so. My suggestion:“sage” all the furniture and stuff you are removing from the old house to get rid of the energy and then sell them or donate it to a charity like Good Will. Do not keep anything: even if the old energy is removed from something you are keeping, for perhaps they are still wonderful, expensive pieces you love, you also will still be holding onto all the painful, past memories of your old life, often unconsciously. Remember the old expression “Out of sight, out of mind.”
3) NEW, NEW, NEW!
So, getting a new place after a divorce is ideal because you can recreate it from scratch for yourself and the NEW YOU. It is a place where you are going to create new memories and new experiences, hopefully much happier ones than those you left behind. Also, new furniture and household accessories are a must. In fact, the place needs to be fully redecorated to accommodate your new life. If you have a limited budget don’t worry, just start with the few most important pieces, like the bed and the sofa, and then add on to that as you go along. Most of us are so used to making decisions by asking our spouse’s opinion that we feel a bit lost when making them on our own. And if you have tried to accommodate your partner’s decorating tastes in the past, chances are you are not even sure of what you really want your new place to look like now. So take some time to fully decorate your new space and choose one piece of furniture at a time. My suggestion is to only buy pieces that make your heart sing so that your new place will really and truly feel like your OWN at all times!
4) WHAT MORE…? Of course there is a lot more that can be said about the colors to use to paint your walls and how to place your furniture (and how to use the Five Elements to activate good energy, either for your career or love life, or both).
Emily (not her real name), was fragile and sad when I met her: she had just divorced and had moved to a new, very blank space in Santa Monica when she decided to consult with me. Six months after redecorating her new place using Feng Shui principles, she was happily dating a new man and had just changed to a new job with a better company culture that made her profession a lot more enjoyable. So please know things can (and most likely will) improve!
All of these things are changes I recommend and each are related to each specific building and your own date of birth, so I cannot make a “generalized assumption” for everyone to follow in such a short article like this. But I will be happy to assist you with your new space during a comprehensive consultation.
I’ll be happy to assist you in becoming the NEW YOU! Set up an appointment by calling 310.860.8989 or contact me at dr.simona@fengshuiarch.com
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